currently // vol. I :: a small window into my right-now

Ok, y’all, today I am participating in my very first link-up — A Mama Collective’s “Currently” series — so bear with me if this post seems random and out-of-place on a photography website. If you’re new here, or haven’t visited in awhile, you may have missed that I am now using the blog feature on this website for personal posts as well. Writing is so therapeutic for me, so freeing and so worth my time (now that I have a little to spare — more on that later).

I’ve always been a writer of some sort. As young as I can remember, I would fill journals with thoughts, lists (stay tuned for my post on my list-making addiction), dreams, pictures, ideas, song lyrics, poems, prayers and complaints. I was never very consistent with journaling, though. If you were to browse my vast collection of journals from throughout my childhood, you’d find the front page of each declaring that this would finally be the start of my commitment to journaling. Within a week, maybe a month, the entries would become farther apart, shorter and less enthusiastic.

I went through “dear diary” phases, I went through prayerful phases, and most dramatically — a “deep, dark poetry” phase (mind you, this was in elementary…maybe middle school, and is mostly funny to go back and read through. What did I know about suffering as a 5th grader??). I wrote stories and, at one point, even started a “novel” — complete with chapters and characters and a complex plot line. I wrote notes to friends and boys and my parents — most of which I never had the intention of delivering, but instead kept in a box as yet another form of journaling. I’ve always needed writing in my life — the thoughts in my head are too crowded and jumbled to make sense of without a means to sort-through, organize and read them myself.

In high school I began song-writing. I picked up guitar quickly and finally committed to learning how to play the piano long enough to have the ability to write my own music —  and I’d write lyrics. I always had lyrics in my head, and once in awhile had to compile all the sticky notes, napkins, homework-margins and word documents where I had jotted them down.

All that being said, I’ve always been a writer. I’m not claiming I was ever a good writer, or that I ever did anything noteworthy or mentionable with my writing (except winning a fairly wide-spread poetry contest as a child, with an accidental political piece about world peace…or something like that) — but it’s always been a part of who I am and how I make sense of my life. Writing has healed me from heartbreak, saved me from losing my mind and pushed me to verbalize my constant & private mix of emotions.

Since having Madelynn, I haven’t had the time or the clarity to write much. I still make lots of lists and once in awhile will pull out my phone and create a voice recording if I’m struck with a melody or lyric idea — just in case I ever resume song-writing as a hobby — but, I never really, truly, write anymore. BUT I’d like that to change. So, even if no one reads my posts or appreciates my attempts at being interesting or follows/likes/comments…I’m going to write, and I’m going to share.

Now that I’ve gotten sufficiently off-track of the original topic of this post, I’ll proceed with my first “currently” entry (we’ll just consider my above ramblings as my “thinking about” section).

reading :: other wives/mamas/crunchy ladies/homesteaders’ blogs

listening to :: baby-girl’s ocean waves on her sound machine through the monitor

praying for :: my husband who injured himself, my baby’s sleep, contentment in this difficult season, motivation to continue pursuing things that bring me joy (for example, writing!)

thankful for :: my sweet, sweet Madelynn Rose. I love her more today than yesterday and not nearly as much as I will tomorrow. I am so overjoyed that she is finally napping in her crib, twice a day, as well as sleeping in there all. night. long. It’s an absolute miracle and even though I haven’t been able to resume sleeping myself yet, I feel like I am a new person just from the short periods of time I have alone…plus, it’s been like a vacation to sleep in bed with my husband and stay up watching movies till past 10 PM!

drinking :: still this morning’s cup of coffee — at my desk, and just a tad sweet, which makes me feel grown up (I’m a sweet & creamy coffee kind of gal).

pursuing :: the call I’ve received to photograph births in addition weddings + lifestyle sessions

feeling :: so very, very tired. grateful for the changes that have been taking place in my life and my marriage. mostly content — a step in the right direction for me!

Well, if you made it this far, I appreciate you listening to and learning just a bit about me. I promise next week’s will be a bit more concise and free of a lengthy backstory!

Join us in this weekly link-up over at A Mama Collective!